How to Celebrate Christmas as a Child vs. an Adult

Child

• Gets excited at licking the spoon.
• Becomes distracted halfway through and wanders off.
• Magically reappears when given the opportunity to eat the finished product.

Adult

• Weighs up pros and cons of buying vs. baking.
• Eventually opts for driving to Sainsbury’s.
• Microwaves pre-made cookies to make it seem like they just came out the oven.

Child

• Writes a detailed letter to Santa, including an extravagant Wish List.
• Asks for anything from a pony to a new bike.
• Becomes well behaved in an attempt to reach the ‘Nice List’.

Adult

• Writes detailed To-Do lists in an attempt at organising themselves for the holidays.
• Tries to concoct unique gift list that doesn’t include socks.
• Runs out of time and ends up buying the socks.

Child

• Watches non stop Xmas movies.
• Declares they want every toy from every advert.
• Identifies with Cindy Lou.

Adult

• Watches non stop Xmas movies.
• Cries over every emotional Christmas advert.
• Identifies with the Grinch.

Child

• Comes home with wonky, handmade paper chains from school.
• Is more interested in discovering lost things in the loft than helping carry the decorations down.
• Breaks at least one bauble.

Adult

• Spends hours wrestling with tangled fairy lights, only to find one of the bulbs has blown.
• Pulls a muscle in their back from carrying neverending boxes of decorations down from the loft.
• Feels strangely accomplished at the end result.

Child

• Forced to wear hideous Christmas jumper by parents.
• Spills food down hideous jumper at earliest opportunity.
• Feels smug, until they realise the alternative is their sibling’s too small, even more hideous spare jumper.

Adult

• Willingly buys ugly Christmas jumper.
• Adds this to their pre-existing collection of ugly jumpers.
• Has matching Christmas socks that they pretend are lame but secretly love.

Child

• Puts out cookies and milk for Santa (and a carrot for Rudolph).
• Goes to sleep as soon as they can to make the morning arrive quicker.
• Can’t help waking up in the middle of the night to see if Santa has been.

Adult

• Has a few too many mulled wines (or anything vaguely alcoholic).
• Sneaks around trying to fill all the Christmas stockings quietly.
• Drunkenly eats the Santa cookies before falling into bed.

Child

• Wakes up at 5am.
• Jumps on parents bed chanting ‘GET UP’ until they finally move.
• Is fueled by pure present opening excitement.

Adult

• Is woken up at 5am.
• Tries to ignore the loud voices but eventually gives in to their demands.
• Is fueled by caffeine and willpower.

Child

• Rips open presents, excited about what’s inside.
• Plays with the discarded wrapping paper and boxes.
• Quickly rejects gifts they aren’t interested in.

Adult

• Slowly opens presents, worried about the contents.
• Tries to save pretty wrapping paper for re-use.
• Has to practise their ‘happy’ face for rubbish gifts.

Child

• Eats way too much.
• Is disgusted by brussel sprouts.
• Wonders when it’s time to eat dessert.

Adult

• Eats way too much.
• Loves brussel sprouts.
• Wonders when it’s an acceptable time to start drinking.